What would you do when a feeling acknowledged between the two people is the same, but the words and the ways of its flow are different?
Someone like me, with the call-a-spade-a-spade style, might say it directly using the most direct words.
The ticklish issue is, the other person need not be, and in fact, IS NOT, me.
Reading this sounds so simplistic or even pointless – even I, as I am writing this – feel that what’s the big deal, you know at least the other person has the same feeling, so move on!
But in the rough-and-tumble of the real life, when in several places we are stroke-deprived, and then the usual, ‘this person loves (-you can replace this with any other tag-) me but does not tell me’ racket starts in the head.
It is so close to impossible to shut this noise. I just learned (once again) that when you are privileged to be an object of someone’s feelings (remember, we are six billion in all), especially the treasurable, cherishable and valuable feelings, tell yourself that you have just earned yourself a ticket to someone’s pristine world. Experience it and relish it AS IT IS. I mean, what’s the point in going all the way up to a tropical rain forest and then expecting it to have the skyline of New York, fragrance of the river Cologne and the night life of Paris and other similar junk?
I realized yet again that even the two people who share a lot of history and a phase-full of life experiences need not have Standard Operating Procedures. They do not have to have a routine vocabulary. A more vocal person might say “I love you” millions of time. If the other does not return the same phrase, does that person not love? For god’s sake, don’t TELL the other to tell you that they love you. They may be saying it, but in their own ways. So, rather than asking something off your drop-down list, wait, listen to what is being said, and THEN make the meaning.
The world of feelings of the other is like the kingdom of the nature. If and when you are present before it, it will speak to you, but in its own language. If your head is full of your own noise because you are carrying your mental ipods filled with your own stuff, bad luck, buddy.
If you could, even for a moment, silence the noise in your head, if you could just for a moment, listen to what the other says, you would never be the same again.
Unfortunately, it is a double bind. You cannot hear the other because you have your own stuff playing in your head. And you prefer to hear your own stuff because you cannot hear the other person say.
So, I say give it a chance. Still your inner noise. Quiet. Shhhhhh… the other is telling you something. Have you heard anything lately??