From the Nursery to the Garden – Journey of Relationships

The other day I was  discussing roses with another home-grown garden enthusiast. We were kind of lamenting that roses did not survive – watering, other care notwithstanding.

Later the same day we were with a different group of friends, and the conversation somehow turned to temperament. One friend said that people with scientific temperament tend to be aloof, but readers’ digest said that being sociable was good for one’s long term well-being.

Well, might have been true, who knows? But then, the friend went on and explained his definition of sociability in terms of whether one visits relatives or not, as an example. I could not agree. One can never be grateful enough for one’s blood relationships (or, more so, the chosen relationships), but did one have to follow the routine? EVERYONE?

I argued that the scientists also socialize, but their ways and partners might be different. For example, they might relate better with other scientists, or readers of their work, or people who research the same area, or even BOOKs. That’s relationship alright, may be little different from us laypeople.

The mother of one scientist, who was present, became very happy at that and she said, that was absolutely right! Another person said, “It is so important to be able to understand the others – it really helps!”

Now that was the point where I flinched a little. Is it enough to be able to understand others? So, a bit ruefully, I said, “Understanding others ALL the times could be a burden. Would one not want to be understood? If that reciprocity is not there, one-sided understanding of others could be so unfair to one person!”

Others agreed, and my thoughts suddenly drifted to the talk I had in the morning about roses. Were the relationships also not like roses we get from the nursery? Whether a given or chosen, a relation just around the time of formation is like a plant in the nursery – in the midst of so many others, looking all ready to go with you, and you have options to choose from. What are your reasons for choosing one out of so many? Well, you are the best judge.

What next? We bring it home and plant it. But do we ask ourselves on all the occasions of bringing a plant home, whether we have created the conditions that the plant is used to, or are best for it?

Well, most often we reserve that much of thinking only when we have paid dearly for the plant. Otherwise, and sometimes even for those high value plants, too, we just use the same old soil, same old care routine and all of that. And then we lament that the plant does not live or flower.

Don’t we stand responsible for creating the right conditions for the plant to do that?

If we choose a bride, at time of choosing, the criteria might be intelligence, wit, creativity, and all that, and once we bring her home, suddenly the criteria change to a list of demands that she be an efficient homemaker, a silent worker, a stewardess and a mother and a lover … how will that plant survive??

If the plat was strong enough to survive that, don’t expect flowers in full bloom!

Well, humans are better off than plants in this one case – your plant can’t talk to you, though it SEEMS to talk to you some times. But your partner can, or as a partner, you can. The plant can’t walk, you can.

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