20 days to go: a compulsive mind-wanderer attempts to meditate

Can't clock five minutes by setting five one-minute timers: http://bit.ly/1zacuZ5

Can’t clock five minutes by setting five one-minute timers. Image source: http://bit.ly/1zacuZ5


Duration: Five minutes

The guide asks to sit comfortably and prepare for mindful breathing. As I watch my breath come and go, and try to ‘watch’ my body from inside, here is what I (remember I) felt:

1. My inner eye ‘scanned’ my body from within and my mind threw images of previously learned structures and networks of bone, muscle and organs… middle school science lessons.

I bring myself back to breathing and watch it again.

2. I become aware of all bodily sphincters one by one as I try to continue to watch my breath in my body. My mouth is more tightly closed than necessary, I feel. I relax. I am not shaking my legs, no bodily movements.

3. I ‘see’ my nails on my toes. Time to clip nails, I make a mental note and realize that I need to watch my breath. I return to it and continue my watch.

4. I ‘see’ my liver from the school text book and an advert of some kind of antacid. I am hungry, I realize. Okay, focus on breathing, I tell myself and so back I go to my breathing.

5. There is a constant beat on a drum in the hall nearby. I have earphones on yet I hear the sound. A crow is speaking, too. What is he saying? I remember stories read in the childhood, that say that some people can understand bird language. Oh, come on, watch as you breathe! I am talking to myself.

6. Can I hear my heart if I became totally silent? How come I have heard my hear beats only when it was pounding out of exertion or fear? Well, we will think about it later. Let’s breathe.

It was “i”, then “you” and then “we”.

The timer chimes, five minutes are over.

20 more days to go.


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