19 days to go: a compulsive mind-wanderer attempts to meditate

Today is my second day of mindful breathing 21-day challenge. The day also marks the end of my 9-day vacation and I resume work. Looking forward to shifting activities. I went to the garden nearby for walking and thought that I could also do the meditative/mindful breathing as I walk.

It turned out to be a failure.

There were too many stimuli, and I felt as if I had dived right into them. Walking after a long gap also released a lot of rumination, especially involving what I disliked as unfair, patronizing comments by specific others who, I understand, have no earned position to do so. I came back to breath-watching every time I wandered. It took a lot of effort.

But it was also good in a way. While walking, I breathed more deeply such that I could feel the breath entering my lower lungs. The cool, strong breath, with its paradoxical warmth and fine-ness seemed to spread farther inside me. I breathed with my stomach and not rib-cage.

The fresh air passed through my nose and I heard myself question, “If vapor of drugs affects brain, then would the fresh air with hints of fragrance from different trees affect the same areas of brains? Surely, smell-sensing mechanism would be the same?! Then how would the brain process it further?”

Well, I had no answer. “Return to mindful breathing”, I told myself.

I come back home and settle on a swing on the verandah.

Much better.

Solitude, not isolation or withdrawal, is useful.

Timer chimes. Time to get ready for work. There was one missed call from a colleague.

I quickly draw the loops and tentacles of thoughts/sensations/experience.

Day#2 of 21-day challenge in mindful breathing, margieparikh

Day#2 of 21-day challenge in mindful breathing, margieparikh

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