3 thoughts on “TIPS TO THE DAUGHTER I NEVER HAD … #13

  1. Subhash Yadav says:

    A valuable tip.
    All things that work in life, require a long and arduous working on them. If living life is an art, it needs dedication and a life long work to become an artist. One does not become a great painter, musician, dancer or writer in a moment.
    The technological age consciousness (Hollywood and Bollywood are expressions) demands instant gratification. Purchasing best colors, canvas and painting brush is equated as being a great painter.
    This series is a valuable guidance to daughters and sons of overworked parents like us who are so busy in making arrangements for life, that we hardly get any time to live life with our kids.
    It is usually (?) fathers who miss their joy giving daughters ! Happy to see that a mother is missing her and providing these priceless tips about life and living.


    • Hi Subhash! Thanks. I share your views on shifting focus on accessories more than the thing itself. I hope there are some old folks out there who still push others (at least their own kids) to focus on the core. Although I write these little sticky notes, sometimes I wonder if I would have been a good mother if I really had a daughter. My views are strong, and if she learned from me, she surely would have had a lot of adjusting and ‘fitting in’ problems. Probably I would have had a spinster or a serial divorcee unless she fled to another culture.


      • Subhash Yadav says:

        M’am, most of the tips,(2,4,5,11,12,13) do point out and push the daughter to focus on the core. May be a good mother guides her kids to train themselves to look and experience the oneness which lies behind all multiplicity of life.

        Our views, if they derive their strength from this understanding of the core/essence behind all the facades of multiplicity of existence, usually ensure that the issues of ‘adjusting’ and ‘fitting in’ do not matter much in life. As the connection with the core becomes stronger, things and people around us, fall in place.

        On the other hand, if these strong views are rooted and based on multiplicity and circumferential phenomena, then adjustment and fitting in, may appear to be important. Such views are akin to an attempt to define and measure the reality of the ocean by dividing its ever changing waves with a rope or a stick. There can be as many divisions and views as you want them to be.

        Why would she flee to another culture ? This culture does not recall and remember the kings and their deeds in mass memory but reveres and sings the words and glories of a woman – a Rajput princess who never fitted in and adjusted to her in laws and social norms. Who said to her husband, that I am already married with Krishna and will not worship your family diety.
        Why so ? May be she was connected to the core and her life became an expression of that experience. Scratching the frozen images of our culture painted by English educated Marxist historians will help us see that we provided space for all kinds of views of life.


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